My body hates me right now, but the feeling isn't mutual.
At 49, I’m more active now than I’ve ever been, except for maybe in high school. More than 30 years ago.
This is what I put my decidedly middle-aged, slightly overweight body through last week: Monday: Crossfit; Tuesday: 5 mi. run; Wed: DMV (decidedly a frustrating rest day); Thursday: 4 mi trail run; Friday: Crossfit; Saturday: digging in my backyard for 4 hours; Sunday: 2 hours of Ultimate Frisbee.
(Psss….I spent part of last night trying to figure out where I could have fit more in.)
Now, I’m not saying that’s more physical activity than any other 49-year-old on the planet. That’s just a lot of physical activity — for me.
And my body hates me right now. Getting out of bed was a slow process. My back and knees were, you know, speaking to me.
Now, my pain avoidance self was all,“That’s not right, man. You shouldn’t feel this way.”
And I had this moment where I was projecting to 70 year-old me, thinking, “You’re killing your future self, man. You’re gonna be a wreck. Stop the madness.”
Then it hit me. I’m not killing my future self. I’m killing my past self.
You know, the one who for 30 years didn’t do much of this stuff — at least not on a consistent basis. The one who didn’t really value fitness. The one who didn’t set tough goals. The one who didn’t push his willpower past the breaking point. That one. Ya, he’s dying.
And my body’s hating me right now. But the feeling is definitely not mutual. And, I like who I’m becoming.
I’m loving increasing my fitness. I’m challening myself with some bad ass goals: I just finished my first Sprint Triathlon, and I’m running a 25k trail run in a couple months. My brain still says, “Wait. Wuuuut?” to that one.
And, I’m learning a lot about how weak my willpower was, and how I can make it stronger and tougher by telling it to shut the heck up when it tells me to stop the madness.
There’s definitely a price you pay when you decide to get active in middle age. But, it’s clear to me that I’m finally on the right side of the equation.